


A Modern Lady's Guide to Chaos

by arroways



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Crack Treated Seriously, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 04:21:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15356136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arroways/pseuds/arroways
Summary: Rey tries to be eco-friendly, with disastrous consequences.OR: I was inspired by a situation in an episode of the TV show Younger, and this is another attempt at me trying to be comedic and smutty.





	A Modern Lady's Guide to Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the lovely [Audrey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0bemadeofglass/pseuds/t0bemadeofglass) for beta-ing this ridiculous thing.
> 
> This is kind of a ridiculous premise and might be squicky for some people, so please jump to the endnotes for spoilers/warnings.

Rey hovers in her roommate’s doorway, wringing her hands and shifting from foot to foot.

She’d moved in with him nearly two years ago, when she was fresh out of college and desperate for affordable rent. He’d also been living on ramen, having gambled away his trust fund and living a generally playboy lifestyle until his late twenties.

Reality had hit Ben Solo like a ton of bricks. Rey had been the one to help him sign up for a 401k. She’d been the one to walk him through his first W-2. It was only in the last year that she’d grown fond of him at all, as he started to fend for himself and learned how to boil water. Watching him grow up had been like watching a newborn foal.

Now it’s her with the shaky legs.

“Hey, Ben?”

God, she needs to turn on her heel and walk away right now. This is a terrible idea. Truly awful. She’s made mistakes in her life. Big mistakes. Nothing like this.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Ben spins around in his desk chair, legs splayed and arms crossed over his gargantuan chest. Rey sucks in a breath.

“Can you hold up your hands super quick?”

He gives her a look, tilted head and all, but holds up his massive paws with the thick long fingers and she steels herself.

Okay. This plan might work.

“You know how I don’t have health insurance?”

He nods slowly, like he’s not really sure where this is going.

“Well that’s why I’m about to ask you this, because I can’t go to the doctor unless I’m crazy sick, and I’ve been reading online, and Rose is out of town, and Jessika is studying for the LSATs –.”

“Are you sick?”

She takes a deep breath and literally feels her cheeks get redder. It’s a horrible, itchy, hot sensation, like she’s been pressed up against a gross electric blanket.

“I’ve been trying to be eco-friendly, right? And I tried this new thing, and it’s like, stuck up in there –.”

“Stuck up in _where, Rey_?”

“It’s like _,_ a cup? And it… well, it catches your… uh, your _viscera_ , if you will –.”

“Rey –”

“And it’s stuck, it’s stuck and it’s been like 14 hours now and you still owe me for that time you vomited all over my comforter –.”

“ _Rey –”_

“And you have decent hands, so you could get the job done! I’ve been reading about it online and there are other things we could try, but I’m desperate –”

“Rey!”

“I mean they said an orgasm might help the ‘ _inner walls,’”_ she holds up her fingers in air quotes, _“_ contract and release the thing but I couldn’t get myself off for whatever reason and now I’m pretty fucking desperate and if I go to urgent care they’ll charge me an arm and a leg, so I’m going to need you to man up, buddy! The time is now and it’s your time to shine, Solo –.”

He stands up from his office chair and runs his fingers through his hair. He doesn’t respond or talk, just walks out of the room past her.

She’s on his heels like a lost puppy. “Or if you know anyone else I could call, I know this is weird…”

He goes into the bathroom and pulls out a towel from the linen closet, laying it down on the counter. She stands in the bathroom doorway, eyeing his movements.

He pats the towel. “Get up.”

Well shit. She didn’t actually mentally prepare herself for this part. Honestly, her brain had shorted out whenever she thought about him agreeing and going along with this farce.

“Oh. Okay.”

She steels herself and reaches down to pull off her sweatpants and undies, because that was destined to happen and she’s pragmatic as hell. She jumps up on the counter and presses her legs tightly together as they dangle off the edge, still not entirely thrilled that her roommate is about to go spelunking in her lady bits for a misbehaving DivaCup.

She’d rather have him spelunk under other circumstances.

Wait, did she just think that?

“Alright,” he says as he washes his hands with soap and water and pulls his shirt sleeves up around his elbows. “We’re doing this.” He sounded as though he was convincing himself as much as he was her.

“It can’t be as bad as that time I got food poisoning and lived in this bathroom for 48 hours with a monopoly on the toilet and only Gatorade to drink,” she’s talking quickly again. That time, he had brought her Gatorade all weekend like the reliable St. Bernard she swore he’d been in a past life. He’d even held her hair back while she’d vomited.

“That’s true,” he agrees.

“And that time after your family reunion when you got wasted on tequila and came back and trashed the apartment,” she adds.

“I was a mess,” he agrees.

“This isn’t that bad,” she tries to reason.

He tilts his head at her and raises his eyebrows.

“Okay, it’s a lot, but nothing we can’t handle,” she adds.

He nods his head at her and rubs his hands together, warming them, ready to get down to business.

“So how are we doing this?” He asks, tilting his head down at her groin, currently obscured by her legs practically glued together.

“Well, maybe if I like,” she takes a deep breath (her day will be filled with a lot of those, it seems) and adjusts herself so her legs are spread wide and hips tilted up, all her business on display. She leans her back against the mirror behind her.

She glances down at what she’s working with. She keeps herself pretty landscaped, but it's not like she frequents the waxing studio.

“I guess just reach up in there, since I can’t do it?” she offers.

“You sure about this?” he asks one final time, as she nods quickly.

“Let’s just get this over with, and then drink to forget.”

She’s already daydreaming about the cheap tequila in her nightstand. Maybe if she blacks out she never has to remember this.

He chuckles at that, and gets between her legs, maneuvering his fingers to her - God, she doesn’t even know how to refer to it in this scenario.

Well, he moves his fingers to her _cunt_ , and strokes experimentally at her folds, which for some reason are a little wet. Ugh. He’s going to think she’s a weirdo, getting turned on by something like this.

Or maybe its just because it’s Ben, and he’s handsome and looming over her in that crisp shirt of his with the sleeves rolled up. And he’s got this presence, a vibe around him that exudes familiarity and comfort… ah, fuck.

“Okay so, I’m just gonna go up in there?” He asks, his voice quivering a little.

“I guess? See if you can pull the dumb thing out?”

He nods and looks up at the ceiling as he slides a finger in.

Fuck.

Rey tenses, everything stiffening, even the inner walls of her pussy. Fuck.

“Rey,” he says calmly and evenly, a feat considering where his fingers are. “You’re going to need to try and relax.”

“I have no idea how to do that, considering my current predicament,” she says through gritted teeth.

“I don’t mean this to sound the way it’s going to sound, but,” he lets out a little sigh, “you’re really tight.”

She rolls her eyes. “No idea how that could have happened.” Still, his words sent a jolt of arousal through her abdomen, like a lusty ping pong ball.

He brings his eyes down to meet hers, and proceeds, his finger pressing in deeper. He starts to poke around, and her hips jerk.

“What the fuck are you doing, searching for buried treasure?”

“In a manner of speaking,” he deadpans, looking her in the eyes as the corners of his mouth twitch. Is he trying to hold back a laugh?

She giggles at the absurdity of it all.

“This is honestly one of the more mortifying encounters of my life,” she says, leaning her head back.

He wiggles his finger around a little bit more before removing his hand. His digit glistens with her.

“Aren’t you on your period?” he asks as he looks down at his hand, miraculously devoid of any blood.

“Well, Yeah, the cup thing… catches it… so there might not be any… like…”

“Got it.”

“But that’s what the towel is for, I guess,” she says with nervous laughter.

“What was that thing you said earlier, other options? Because that thing isn’t coming out.”

She blushes. “I read that if you can, you know, relax, it helps get things moving.”

“Relax like?” He holds his hand up, two fingers pointing upward, and makes a beckoning motion. Like he’s fingering someone.

“Jesus, Ben, don’t be crude. But yeah.”

“What exactly are our boundaries, now that I’ve been knuckle deep inside of you?”

“Oh, the boundaries that no longer exist?” Rey said with another eye roll.

“So if I -.“ he let his hand hover over her, dizzyingly close to her clit, which lets out a little throb.

“At this point, let’s just throw all caution to the wind and embrace the weird bizarre porno we’ve become,” Rey says, leveling her gaze with his and spreading her legs a little wider. At least, as ever, she can count on her humor to see her through to the end.

“We’re doing this,” Ben says.

“Yeah, we’re doing this,” she responds.

And then his fingers are on her clit, making tight, slow little circles, and she inhales sharply and squirms on the counter.

“Okay,” she nods, biting at her bottom lip. “That’s, that’s good, Ben,” she says.

Her clit pulses with it as his fingers try a few different rhythms and motions. Her hands grip the edge of the counter and she jerks her hips.

“How are you doing?” he asks, his tone hilariously conversational for what’s happening.

“Ben, you’re my roommate and you’re trying to get me off because I got myself into an awful pickle because I took advice from a forum online because I was trying to be environmentally conscious because climate change is real, so that’s how I’m doing,” she says, gritting her teeth again.

“Does it feel good? Is it…” he looks worried, his brow furrowed. “Is it having the desired effect?”

“Fucking hell, Ben,” she groans. “Yeah, you’re an attractive dude with great arms and you’re playing with my clit. It feels good.”

His eyes widened at that, and he changed it up a bit, slipping a finger into her to the second knuckle while his thumb kept at it on her clit.

“You think I’m attractive?” he asks, incredulous.

“Ben,” she whispers. “Of course. You’ve got that tortured soul, tall, dark, and handsome thing about you. I like the little moles on your face.”

He leans in, his face now close to hers - his lips, oh his lips look plush.

“Rey, can I kiss you?”

She blinks at him. “Of course you can kiss me,” she says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

His lips are so soft against hers. He tastes a little like peppermint. She feels herself relax even more, and his other hand comes up to her waist, holding her steady.

He pulls away quickly. “That was nice.”

She nods. “I sort of wish it had been under different circumstances,” she says, looking down at where his fingers have stilled between her legs.

“Right, Of course,” he says, shaking his head a little and getting back to work.

“Does this not bother you?”

“Does what not bother me?” He asks, his eyes glued to where his finger has disappeared inside of her.

She points down at her abdomen. “I’m on my period. Most guys would get grossed out.”

“I mean,” he looks up at the ceiling for a moment and then back down. “It’s something you deal with every month, I guess. I’ve bought you tampons, for chrissake. When I was younger it might have bothered me?”

She smiles at him. “My school nurse tried to tell me it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

He chuckles with her at that.

“I can guarantee you that you’re not the first, nor the last woman to have an embarrassing incident like this occur on your period,” he tells her. “And I would be an asshole if I gave you grief for any of this.”

She feels her heart expand about ten sizes.

“Let’s just get this over with,” she says quickly.

He gets back to work, slipping another finger inside of her, curling against her g-spot and circling his thumb against her clit.

It’s working. She tries to relax into it, tries to forget what the final goal is here.

Would he be doing this if she wasn’t desperate?

She doesn’t want to think about that now. She just wants to be here, in his arms, his fingers working their magic.

Her eyes fly open as his movements get more earnest. She’s so fucking aroused now she’s almost forgotten what started this whole thing.

All she can see is the way Ben is looking into her eyes, how his irises are brown like Nutella and twinkle and how much she loves Nutella, she really does love his eyes, and how reassuring his hand is on her waist and like, he doesn’t even care he’s just there fingering her because maybe this is the most normal thing in the world. Could her brain chill for a second?

She makes little sounds and nods at him, licking her lips because it feels like her whole mouth has gone dry, a strange dichotomy to how wet she feels between her legs.

Suddenly, his eyes ravenous like she’s a buffet, he drops to his knees before her, the counter the perfect height for him to - _fuck._

He starts to lap at her clit with tight little licks as his fingers beckon inside of her.

A low whine comes from the back of her throat, and she grips the counter tighter. “Right there, don’t stop.”

His mouth closes over her clit and he _sucks_ as he strokes that soft patch of sensitive skin inside of her.

Rey scrunches her eyes shut and lets the warmth of an orgasm flow through her like a forest creek, filling every part of her with finality and relief.

A few moments pass before she comes back down to earth, her eyes fluttering open to see him looking up at her.

“Did it work?” He asks, looking down as if he expects it to have just popped out of her.

She pauses, remember what this was all for.

“Hold on, let me try –”

She reaches up in into herself, and miraculously, the fucking thing has shifted. She grabs hold of the base and looks back up at him.

“Can you look away for this part?” She asks with a flush on her cheeks.

He does, wiping his hands off on the towel and - and he fucking _kisses her forehead_ as he gets up. He kisses her forehead, and steps out of the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him.

She could cry.

Finally, the dumb thing dislodges and she goes about her normal business of cleaning it, and when she gets down off the counter she stares into the bathroom mirror for an unnatural amount of time.

She stares into the mirror because _what the fuck just happened?_  

* * *

“Hey, Ben?”

She stands in his doorway again.

He slowly, slowly swivels around in his chair and looks up at her.

“Did it work?”

“It worked.”

He nods at her. She nods back. They never have to speak of this again.

* * *

Only two days later, she wanders into his doorway again in a pair of pajama shorts and one of his hoodies, and she knocks tentatively at the doorframe, and when he swivels around in his chair she takes a few steps toward him.

His eyes travel up and down her body, and she fiddles with the strings of his hoodie as she takes a few more steps forward.

“I think –” She doesn’t know what she thinks. She just gets closer, until she’s standing right in front of him. And then Rey crawls up into his lap, straddling him, her knees on either side of his thighs, and she looks down at him, and she presses her lips to his.

His hands settle on her legs, gripping her lightly. And he’s not quite kissing her back, so she pulls away and runs a hand down the side of his face.

“Sorry, is this–?”

And _then_ he decides to kiss her back, pull her forward onto him to bite at her lower lip and taste her. He smiles into it. Her hands grab at the back of his neck and she supposes this is what their first kiss should have been like.

But maybe life isn’t about the should have beens, or the meet-cutes. She’s come to realize that sometimes, just maybe, two people crash together with all the grace of an avalanche. All the grace of a raging bull. All the grace of messy, crazy, zany, weird. And maybe that was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning/premise for this fic: the one where Rey gets a DivaCup/menstrual cup stuck up in her cooter and needs her roommate Ben to help a girl out. 
> 
> If you read through this, thank you. Apologies for writing this instead of updating one of my other WIPs, but I got carried away.


End file.
